My name is Julie and I am addicted to

Sugar. I've been eating mass amounts of sugar lately. I always have to eat something sweet after every meal but for the last month, I've been baking alot and had something in hand to munch on. Yesterday we had nothing to eat in the house and by dinner time, I had asked A-man to go out and buy some dessert but he didn't want to. Later that night he convinced me to go to the grocery store together but by the time we bought everything, I was completely miserable. I was sooo annoyed with the clerk, bagger, and the people behind me. I was annoyed walking around the store at all the other shoppers. I had forgotten my cotton shopping bags so I was trying to watch the clerk ring my items while trying to bag my groceries. When I was about to pay, someone else came to bag our items and she was almost done and I noticed that she was trying to put a plastic dish soap into a paper bag, for protection? What the fuck? Then I noticed that the clerk had put in a pack of gum from the next people's order into mine. Since I had paid already, I had to go over to the customer service counter to get my dollar refund. As I was leaving the counter cursing everyone, I noticed that the bagger had put double plastic bags and put tiny little jams and such into paper bags before putting it into the plastic bag. All that waste bothered me so much but I was so pissed that I had to wait in line again at the customer service counter and I hadn't spoken up about the bagging issue. But come on, why can't they add more than a couple of items in one bag and what's up with the paper bags?

I came to the conclusion that I was going through a sugar withdrawal because even though all that stuff is really annoying, I was in the verge of tears and wanted to kill. I know I'm generally bitchy but last night was an eye opener. I need major therapy but for now donuts will do.

We got an offer

on the business. I didn't even really put it out there but I put the idea to my mom and she moves quick. like a rabbit. A super duper business savvy, korean a-jum-ma rabbit.
Anyways, there's an offer on the table for the business that I wanted to get rid of and now that it could be a reality, I'm not really sure about it.
I've been crunching numbers for a couple of days now and it could work but since both A-man and I work together, He would need to get another job that would pay enough to pay our monthly expenses and to eat as well. Because the profit from selling the business will go entirely on our debt without a penny left. Which is good and bad. It means that we won't have any debt but it also means that our income will be fixed. He's highly employable but he wants to start a new business of making machine parts. We have all the machines to do that in our home. yes we do, it's crazy but we have a ton of machining crap that weighs more than the house itself. But he's never done it so i'm worried.

I was planning to hold off selling the store until the end of the year so we could put some money into savings but my mom told me today that we got an offer. She gets shit done and she's been home sick all week. It may be a blessing, it may not. I'm not sure right now. All i know is that our live will change drastically and I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

Will work for health insurance

So, i hate my job. I own a business and I hate it. it affords us many luxuries but I hate it. I don't even work that much but I don't want anything to do with it. I love some of my customers and even became friends with them but I dont' even get to see them all the time because I'm never there. That's part of the problem. I want to be a good mom and stay home but me not being there causes problems that I have to deal with and I just hate dealing with them. I always admired people who had high paying jobs and left to pursue a dream job that may or may not pay them at all. Our business isn't even high paying, it's just enough to not be poor. I used to be a workaholic and thought that even if i had children, i'd be the bread winner and my husband would stay home and take care of the children. But the second I got pregnant and more so after holding my baby, I don't want to do anything but be with her, screaming or not.

I am thinking of selling my business which would help pay for more than half of our total loans including our mortgage which sounds good but A-man would have to get a job that would pay pretty well in order to pay off the rest of our debt and to maintain somewhat of the same lifestyle. and since he plans on doing something on his own, he wouldn't have health insurance so I was thinking of getting a job with a company that offers full medical benefits to their PART time employees, so far Starbucks and Trader Joe's are good contenders. The only catch is that I keep thinking about getting a job and running into my current customers and feeling embarrassed. That is typical me. I fantasize about scenarios that are totally ridiculous, i think it's the cultural, showing face issue, that i grew up with. which i don't really care about but i guess i do in a small scale.

anyways, besides us all being sick, that's whats been keeping me busy at nights. if it does happen, it won't be until this summer when i know how A-man's side business is going and when Elle is old enough for me to be gone for longer periods of time.

If I do plan on selling the business, I have to do it this year because my landlord will only give a 5 year lease to the new owners. A potential buyer will definitely want AT LEAST 5 years, usually 10. but any less would not generate a sale. The problem is that we arent' really ready to sell this year because A-man needs to get his dream business off the ground which may not take off or it would at least take some time. He is highly employable so he CAN get a job but part of the reason we bought this business was because it would allow us to pursue our dream job someday.

I wish health insurance wasn't so expensive but so does the rest of the country. Currently we are paying $450 just for the 2 of us and it just increased to $560 and I haven't gotten the premium update for adding Elle so that will probably be another $100+ a month. I just can't afford that but of course we have to keep paying. Since the birth of our baby we have been so much better about budgeting our money. We never really went out socially but we did eat out a LOT but not anymore and we could cut other things out if we needed to. I just have to be creative soon and figure out what we can do to keep everyone happy.

It never stops (one big bitch fest)

In addition to all the crap that's on my to-do list, it seems to keep adding up. I'm in the process of installing a new awning for my business and I didn't know that I had to get a permit to install it and just to have it, 2 different permits. Which means that I have to go into the city hall and stand in line all day. I do not need that right now. I hate going into the city offices to do anything because 1. it takes all fucking day, 2. there's a chance that I might have to go back couple of times, 3.
parking!

There are 2 other stores attached to my store and in the last year they both transferred hands and the both new owners want to get new awnings. This is good for the general appearance of the building but now it's getting more complicated because we all need to coordinate our design and now permits. The building owner wants us to use the same guy to install it all but not put any nail holes into the building. How the fuck do you want the awning to stay up? Jackass!! I can't stand him. but that's a rant you don't want to hear.

I just had my house cleaned on friday and it's already a big mess. My husband took apart all the electric conduits in the kitchen (and the rest of the house) so since last july, yes 6 months ago, I have been using an extension cord for the dishwasher, garbage disposal (which creates a big spark every time), and everything in the baby's room. Well Friday he took that extension cord out to use it and now I have a dishwasher full of dirty dishes and a sink full as well. I don't even want to go into the fact that half of the sockets in my house does not work and the only one that works in the baby's room is behind a big wardrobe that isn't going anywhere so there's extension cord into her room as well.

I also found out that my health insurance is increasing by $110 per MONTH! I guess this is their way of getting back at me for paying most of the labor and delivery cost last year. What's the point of having insurance if when anything happens they increase their premium to get it back from you? Which means that I will ultimately pay for the whole fee out of my pocket. So why have it in the first place. I should just open a bank account and put $500 in there every month and that one time I go to the hospital if ever, I'll have more than enough to pay for it myself!! HEll, I might just do that!

Why is this room so fucking cold?

Arghhh, it's monday and i'm not happy.

I came back to add that my molar is lose and it is starting to get infected. about 4 years ago, i had one of my molars removed on my right side so I've only been eating on my left side. Recently, my left molars have been bothering me and just in the last few days it's really been hurting and it's a little swollen and it's loose. I don't want to go to the dentist because they are going to tell me that it's a goner so why bother, i'm too poor right now to deal with it.

On a roll

I got asked to make a diaper clutch for her and since then, I've made 7 more. I'm kinda a freak when it comes to doing something. I have to go over the top. It might be a disease I have because I just hate doing something mediocre. It's especially hard at work because even if a customer asks me to do something the cheap way, I still have to do it perfect and I end up charging them way less than I should.

Good thing I got my nap in today.

Anyways, I really like these so I was happy to make them. Thank you for letting me make one for you and for thinking of me, Jennie.

MOOOOOOoooo

I pumped a record amount of milk this morning and just had to share.
Not one, two, three, or four, heck not even 5 ounces but 6 ounces from one boob! The right boob didn't do as well but there was plenty. Go boobies!!

Rest in Peace Sir

I always admired Sir Edmund Hillary for bringing awareness to Nepal and their people. I don't think he was actually THE first person to climb Everest but he is the first to be known for it and regardless he was an admirable trekker and I respect him for that.







The majestic and beautiful Mt. Everest (Sagamartha)







Hanging out on Mt. Everest Base Camp

New home

I found another mommy board that I love already. It's new so there aren't that many people but the few ladies that post are just awesome especially the founder. I left a mommy board last month and I really miss my old friends so it was nice to fine this one. I hope they like me as well.

You should join! It's a connection that you don't get from just blogging and you get to know people in a whole different way.

Thanks Mira for welcoming me with open arms!

Addicted

I didn't realize until a few days ago just how much I spend money. We are really tight this month with our finances and have to save every penny just to pay some of the bills not even all. I used to pick up Elle and just head over to the store and get groceries and whatever without a single thought but since I don't have any money to spend, its really evident how much I do spend. So I really have to curb my spending this year. If all goes well, we will be cutting out 3 loans, which means 3 payments every month. I will pay off my school loan after 10 years even if I haven't done anything related to my degree since 2001. That just bites my ass when I think about it.
I will also finish paying off my car loan. and a major loan that I had for my mom will be paid off next month which is a HUGE chunk and more than my mortgage on my house so that will help tremendously.

The last couple of years, I didn't have enough to pay for my taxes so I had to "charge" my tax bill. That is the saddest thing ever but you have to do what you have to do. This year I prepaid quarterly so I'm hoping it won't be too much all at once in April. I will also try to get it done early so I know how much to pay and not be forced to pay it off last minute.

Does anyone know how much a tax credit is for having a baby and does it count that she was born in the middle of last year?

I'm really going to try to turn our finances around so we have some breathing room. That would be really nice and we're hoping to be able to sell our store so I can stay at home full time AND still have some money to live comfortably. We'll see if that happens. I really doubt it, probably next year but I'm really going to try to do it by the end of this year. I guess I just set another resolution for myself.

Grow baby Grow

I think Elle is growing. Every few weeks, she goes into sleep mode and pretty much sleeps all day. Not to say that she is out cold all day, she is just sleepy all day long and if I had the will, energy and stamina to hold her in my arms all day, she would probably sleep. Since that can't happen, she just sleeps until I put her down in her crib. Then she'll wake up and after 20-30 minutes of being awake, she'll go through the cycle again. This has been happening all day yesterday and today.

I just measured her and she is 28 inches long. The last time I weighed her was on Dec 28th and she was 20 pounds, 13 ounces. I am planning to take pictures of all her rolls before she loses her baby fat when she starts crawling. she's already losing her neck roll. I should say, she's beginning to get a neck but it makes me sad that she's growing up.

Sae Hae Bok Mani Ba de sayeo!

To all you non koreans it means "I wish you many good fortune in the new year" or something like that.

Here's a little explanation of our tradition taken from some some google search site:

The Koreans focus on the family as they celebrate the beginning of the New Year. Children put on new traditional clothes called hanbok. They kneel and bow to their ancestors and elders. Family members wish each other prosperity and good fortune. Then they exchange gifts. Children receive lucky money, candy and fruit from the elders. The family spends time together and have rice-cake soup for breakfast. Children often take this day to play special New Year games.


I dressed up Elle in a hanbok and basically laid her down in between us when we bowed. Yes, I have Alex bow as well. I taught him early when we were dating and he has always done it. She wasn't too comfortable in it because it was too big and kept trying to eat the painted pictures which we didn't know if it had lead or not so she didn't stay in the dress too long.
We ate the traditional rice cake soup for lunch and it's one of my favorite soups but one of the key ingredient was missing from mine, dumplings, because I don't eat red meat or pork and that usually always has it, even though my mom made it. She made some without meat for me but forgot to bring it to the party at my aunts house. It's ok, I'm used to it because I usually can't eat it anyways.

We stayed for a couple of hours, met family, ate, bowed, and left to go to his families house. Elle got a couple of envelops of money from my parents and her great-grandmother.

None of my aunts gave her any which makes me feel like they forgot about her. It seems like Elle was forgotten this holiday season even though it really isn't about the gifts but I just hope they don't forget her when she is old enough to know better.

A-man told me that his parents were having their own traditional dinner at 4pm, so we rushed over there and as soon as we got there, his sister and her family were on their way out to go see a movie, his mom was out shopping, and his dad was watching football, What fucking tradition is that. I'm not sure if MIL just told him that for us to be there or if she really believed it to be happening but just don't make up traditions just because you don't have any. We left after 10 minutes.

The night ended with a fight, which resulted with Elle sleeping in her crib for the first time ever. She did really well and only woke up once. I slept in her room on the floor but even if I didn't have a fight, I don't think I would feel comfortable if I had left her on her own her very first night alone. The fight is another story that is based on a constant struggle between A-man and I but I'm not going to go into it cuz I'd rather forget it. I'll just have to deal with it.

New year's day 2008 was a day to remember. Elle turned 6 month old, she wore a hanbok for the first time, She ate rice cereal, and slept in her crib overnight for the first time. The days are passing so fast and it makes me sad to think that she will be grown up in no time but it also excites me to think that there will be so many great memories this year with many "new" events happening. I will be there day and night to capture each memorable moment in my heart, mind and hopefully in film as well.

Sae Hae Bok Mani Ba de sayeo!