One down

I got my tooth extracted today while listening to Enya. my periodontists has a list of music to listen to while being worked on. I picked Enya cuz I can't help singing along to music so I had to pick something I couldn't sing along with. I didn't even feel it when he pulled the tooth out and he said that it will heal fine without getting a bone graft so i saved about $500. I still have a couple of other teeth that bother me so I'm sure they will be coming out sometime in the next few years but I'm glad I got this one taken care of. I asked him if I could keep it and it looks pretty nasty. I hope to God that Elle has great, strong teeth that she can keep til at least she's a grandmother.

Teeth suck

I will be extracting my second molar this Friday. I plan on getting an implant when it heals but it will cost over $4000 to do so and I really can't get my mind around spending that much on one tooth. Mainly because I will need at least 2 right away and 2 more in the very near future. That's the cost of a small car or all of our credit card debt. I guess I'll see how I do without that molar and if I can chew without a problem, I might wait a year or two since I already have one missing molar from '03 on the other side. I hate teeth but I hate being poor even more!

Craptacular

I've been in the worst kind of mood lately. Is it possible to have PMS without the M part? Well, I know a lot of it has to do with being overweight which makes me just want to eat more which makes me hate myself even more. In addition, my teeth are still continuing to bother the shit out of me. I'm not a pill popper at all but lately I've been taking tylenol almost every day. all my molars are killing me and I don't know what to do. well, besides having to go to the dentist, which i do not want to do. I know what's going to happen so why bother. You'd think that since it hurts to chew, that I'd stop eating so much. Well, it only makes me chew less so I probably don't digest my food very well and that also contributes to my weight gain.

Well, I'm finally doing something about it. I just bought myself an elliptical trainer machine!! I've had gym memberships before and wasted hundreds of dollars on paying for annual fees without going more than a month worth. Plus 90% of the time that I've gone to the gym, I've just used the elliptical machine so this way, even if I don't feel like exercising outdoors, which I generally don't feel like doing anyways, I'll always have something to work on.

I'm hoping to lose weight by July so I can be healthy before I get pregnant again. But most importantly, I just want to feel better and not feel like shit all the time.

Oh NO! ...Another tooth

you see that innocent picture on the right over there, with that big smile and that innocent look and those adorable pearly whites? Well, don't let that fool you, she likes to torture her mom like no other. Yesterday, I noticed another tooth had cut through, her upper left front. She's been a major pain in the butt lately, nursing for hours, sleeping for minutes at a time, screaming, crying, and her latest trick, punching herself in the head, hard, really hard. I dont' know what that's about and it's a little scary to watch and she'll keep doing it if you don't stop her. So we just watch her, just kidding! I stop her every time. Well, I might have to cut the breast feeding out sooner than later because I'm so tense and scared every time I try to nurse her. Plus with the new addition, it hurts even more and it's not like she's going to stop teething. I'm not sure if this post is a vent or an announcement. I am really excited for teeth and sad at the same time because it means my little baby is growing up and scared shitless that I'll be sans nipple soon.

New do

I got my hair cut yesterday and I hate it. I wanted it to look pretty funky but it looks very round and boring. The last thing I need on my round face is a haircut that accentuates it. But it's my fault. I went to a guy that cut my mom's hair. I dont know why I do that but I just get so scared to try someone new out even though I know I'll probably get what I want if I went to someone that actually spoke english! well, after a night of crying and bitching, i'm over it and glad to know that my hair grows pretty fast so I'll be able to tie it in a ponytail like usual and forget about it again until the next mini midlife crisis where I'll want a new makeover.

I want more, lots more

children that is. I'm turning 33 this summer and everytime I think of it, i just cringe, not at the fact that I'm getting older but because of the possibility of having less years to get pregnant and have a healthy baby. So, the plan now is to get knocked up this summer so I can have a baby in the late spring.

Whose with me? (um, Hsu?)

I actually loved being pregnant, minus the first 14 weeks of pure evil morning sickness hell and I hope that all my pregnancies result in a natural birth which brings me to our plan to do it at home. Yup, I said it, a homebirth! That's the plan so far but it makes me super nervous to even think about it but I lay in bed thinking about it sometimes and I don't think I would be as comfortable anywhere else. Don't quote me on it, I gotta get pregnant first.

There are still a lot of factors that need to go into getting pregnant. First, trying not to kill husband. He's driving me crazy lately and I'm so ready to take him out!
Second, work my ass off now so we can save money and really stop working once I do have another baby.
and Lastly, get healthy! That's probably the hardest thing to do. I'm still about 10 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and since I was overweight to start with I really need to get somewhere near my ideal weight before I can consider it but you know what's weird? When I think about being my ideal weight, I worry that I'll be so happy that I wouldn't want to be pregnant again, isn't that just stupid? well, that wont happen, not being worried but being at my ideal weight. never been so probably never will.

I would love to have 4 children but I need to at least have one more so Elle has a sibling to turn to when she's old and gray. That's the most important reason for wanting more children. I don't think I'd be who I am without my brother and sister and I'd hate for Elle to be an only child. A-man only wanted one child but he's beginning to understand that importance as well. I guess I should start making nice with hubby... at least until summer:)

Before I die

I just read Steph's blog and got this idea from her. I've always had a list in my head to accomplish several things before I die. Some things are silly, some not but I'd like to do it all equally as much.

1) Go to every continent. So far I've only been to Asia (duh), Europe, and of course North America (duh again:).
2) I'd love to go to back to Mt. Everest with Elle as well as Tansen Nepal to show both A-man and Elle where I lived for a year of my life.
3) Road trip across the country.
4) New Zealand!
5) Have at least one more child.
6) Lose all my extra weight and be skinny for once.
7) Learn how to crochet.
8) Make sure that Elle and any future children know the importance of giving to those in need.
9) Join the Peace Corps again(with A-man hopefully) after the children are off to college.
10) Get a tattoo.
11) Work on a set of another movie.
12) get some more sleep, off to bed I go...after a little house cleaning:)

7 glorious months

My baby is 7 months old today. I have had the most wonderful time being a mom. I know I don't know everything in life but what I do know for sure is that I am a good mom and I will always strive to be a good mom, not perfect but good. Good enough to know that I will never regret the times I've spent with her, the moments I held her close, the care I took to make sure she is safe, and the hours I spent to soothed her pain and make her feel content.

Happy 7 months my beautiful girl!

Slacker

I've been such a slacker with this blog. I am just mentally drained and Elle has been such a crabby monster lately. I think she's teething again. She's gonna have to learn how to cook so she can feed herself cuz my nipples can't handle the nibbling anymore. Those damn teeth are sharp!! She only has two, Dear Lord, what's gonna happen when she gets more teeth. I'll have to duct tape the girls to hold them in place.

The little time I do have, I've been working on adding more things to my online shop. I got a couple of orders so I'm keeping busy being creative. I should be working on it more but I'm not supermom just yet.

I also countered the offer for our business so we'll see what happens with that. I'm pretty confident that we could sell it soon and we got word yesterday that A-man can work full time at his current part time work so that's all we needed to feel confident that we won't starve to death once we sell the store. I'm also going to reinstate my real estate license soon and sell some real estate this summer. Things are looking up but there are just a few hurdles to cross before I can breathe comfortably.