It breaks my heart when I think about you now. We used to have so much in common and so much fun when we got together. Now I cringe at the thought of speaking to you because I know it will be full of judgment and criticism. The other night when we spoke, I was whispering because I didn't want to wake up Eleanor. She was in the other room and I had just put her in bed a few minutes before you called. Some babies like peace and quiet, I like peace and quiet when I sleep, why shouldn't I give my baby the same respect. No, I don't think that babies need to sleep with loud noises in the background. They don't need to get used to that in order to sleep. I don't think that babies need to adapt to our lifestyles just yet if ever. Plus, we're pretty quiet people normally, we don't watch tv or talk loudly at each other, so there's usually no extra noise that she needs to get used to. I know you don't agree but before I had Eleanor, I never doubted your advices because I didn't know better. You laughed at me when I said that I wanted to go natural with her and I laughed with you because I didn't know myself that I could do it. But I'm so glad that I was able to give her a good start to life without any drugs. You told me you think it's inappropriate to breastfeed in public (specifically at a restaurant). But now that she's in my life, there's nothing I wouldn't and couldn't do for her. And whenever I have to nurse her in a restaurant, I always think of you.
It breaks my heart that I don't ever want to go visit you again and I don't really care to speak with you because I know it's going to result in something said which will upset me. I used to be the same as you with big ambitions of career and money. I'm still ambitious but it revolves around what I can and should do for Eleanor which for now is to spend as much time with her as possible. She'll go to school someday and then I'll go back to work. I'm blessed to be able to stay at home with her and for now there's nothing in the world I'd rather do.
I regret complaining to you about A-man. I know you only hear the complaints about him and rarely any praises. I generally get fired up when something bothers me about him so I share them with you because I can. The fact that I only speak to you once a month or less usually means that I only have just as little to complain about. So your negative opinion of A-man is my fault. He is a great person, husband, and dad and I love him even more now than I did 10 years ago when we first started dating. Not a lot of people can say that. You shouldn't judge him because you only hear my side and just the bad side at that. Which reminds me that I need to keep my mouth shut and share the millions of wonderful but boring moments we have together. You'd probably puke at how disgustingly cute and affectionate we are normally.
I don't want to tell you how I feel because I don't want to argue especially since you live out of state and I rarely get to see you. But I just wish that you would and could respect my parenting style as I have respected yours. We don't have to agree on everything but if we want to stay friends forever, we need to respect each others choices.
Dear Friend
Monday, December 29, 2008 | at 11:22 PM |
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6 comments:
*hugs* I could have written your first paragraph word by word to a once-friend of mine.
Now I feeel bad because poor Naomi has to try to sleep through a zoo....
What a rough thing to go through. There is so much in life that changes who we are friends with isn't there? I wish people could understand that it is okay to make different choices and still be friends.
I also agree that babies do not have to learn to fall asleep wherever, whenever, w/ whatever noises. Finally convinced R of it and Prayse sleeps so much better!
Big hugs to you, you are doing a great job!
It all comes down to respect. No matter if you live in a mad house and your children adapt accordingly, or you live a relatively quiet life and strive to provide a tranquil environment when your child is sleeping. If this person can't respect your personal choices, she needs to shut the eff up. It's one thing to share your opinion...quite another to put someone down for theirs.
{{HUGS}} I think you should send her that post, in email or letter form. Maybe she's not intending to come off like that.
Well said...no matter what at some point your friends will disagree with you, it's sad to constantly have to hear from your "friend" what you're doing "wrong"...screw that. As women we should really support one another, none of us is perfect, but we should all try our best to be great mothers, however that comes to us. I think you are doing a great job and I aspire to have similar parenting for my little one when he gets here. AND oh, you don't want to let me lose on someone who has a problem with public breast-feeding, I can throw some serious punches on that point and I know I'll be breast feeding just exactly wherever/whenever I need to, esspecially if that means that I can leave the house and feel like a human occasionally! KEEP IT UP MOMMA!!
I also could have written ...well...all of this. I have felt that way more than once. I always remind myself of that when I go into a friendship. Makes me guarded at first. There are more than a few I shared things with that I wish I hadn't.
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