We'll miss you, Grandma.

Eleanor was named after A-man's Grandmother. Grandma Eleanor just past away about an hour ago.

a Sneak Preview

More to come but couldn't wait to share these. Look how cute she is in her birthday outfit. The second one just cracks me up.

I love these

I ordered these custom painted letters for my Elle and they are wonderful. The seller listened to all my color requests and my ideas for the pictures and she went above and beyond my expectations.

The sad part is that I haven't been able to hang them up yet because my house is still being renovated and I also wanted to frame it instead of hang each one separately. We'll see, I might just hang them up if I can't make a frame anytime soon.

Sick of me yet.

I'm sick of talking about the b-day party. That's all I've been thinking about and it's kinda taking a life on it's own. I woke up this morning and released a big sigh or something without saying a word and A-man just looked at me and said, "The party is going to be really fun." I needed to hear that and it was so touching to see that A-man "knew" what I was feeling without having to say anything.

But don't worry folks, this is all good stress. I actually love doing shit like this and making everything bigger and going over the top. If money wasn't an issue, I'd have someone do everything for me but it is so it's just all my own doing and I just have to let it out so I don't go nuts with it. I'm going to have to pack my minivan to the rim with crap to take to the party. Just remind me not to forget baby!

I'm so lucky that I have friends that are willing to help me out. I don't really want to ask my family for help because they wanted me to do it at a restaurant and not deal with anything and I don't want to hear "I told you so!" from them. But my mom is planning a little party of her own and bringing her own food and setting it up herself. I told her, pleaded with her that there will be plenty of food and that she doesn't have to lift a finger but that woman has balls of steel and will do whatever she wants! So be it, she thinks I won't have enough food or that the food I order will suck. If you don't have a korean mom, you might think this is absolutely rude behavior but for those of you that do, you know these women can't be talked out of doing something that will make them feel good in front of their friends.

Anywho, don't mind me too much for babbling about it here. It will stop soon, if not today, definitely by sunday, well monday after the recap cuz you know you want to see pictures. It just helps the brain settle when writing about it, that's why we blog afterall. I know it's going to be fun, I'm going to be a mad woman until 4 pm Sunday but from 4-7pm, I'm going to just sit back, eat a ton of food and enjoy my baby's first birthday!!

(I just placed the order for cake, YUM-O! Nothing is going to keep me from enjoying me some good slice of cake or two or all the left overs!)

Crafty momma

I haven't cut out paper since high school, I think. I'm working on a display poster for Elle's b-day party and I've been cutting like mad. I was planning to go to Staples to pick up some supplies and mentioned to my neighbor what I needed and lo and behold, she had it all! Foam poster boards, check! Colored card stock papers, check! and even a display board that folds so it stands up on it's own and with a header board of sorts, the kind kids use for science projects. I do need a few other things but the poster boards were the main things I needed so I am well into my display boards.

I used to love doing this crap and I still do and I can't wait to do it with Elle when she's older. I'm so going to be that mom that finished their child's school project. I can already see it happening. I promise to refrain from it as much as possible. ;)

I'm making one display that will share our story. The story of A-man and I and Elle's birth to present with poems, letters, stories and a TON of pictures.
The other poster board will be an explanation of this specific korean game that they play on the first b-days. The baby is presented with items representing career choices and the one that they pick is what they are "supposed" to be when they grow up. As with all things, I have a problem with this "game". 1) the baby is undoubtly pick out the most shiny thing in the bunch so it's not very accurate. 2) the choices given are outdated.

You're probably thinking, it's a stupid game Julie. It really doesn't mean that the baby will end up taking that career path! I know but in Julie fashion, I have to make it politically correct and non biased. So I decided to present her with pictures all placed on the same background card stock paper. and I have 6 career choices for her that I think are very even.
1. doctor
2. judge
(I'm still korean so of course I have to include those two!)
3. writer
4. entertainer
5. President of the United states of America (Why the fuck not?)
6. Humanitarian/NGO

and I'm turning this into a game for everyone by having people make their own guesses to what Elle will pick and the people that guess right will get something. I'm not sure what but something.

A-man wanted to include dry clean employee, housewife, and machinist. Um. NOT! Well, maybe the machinist part but definitely not the first two.

One week left

Elle's birthday party is next Sunday and I haven't been this stressed out since planning our own wedding. Yes, it's almost that big. I met with a decorator that specifically does "dol" decoration, thanks to Diana. But I just found out about her yesterday and met with her this morning. The timing is too tight to do the entire decorations and it's way too pricey for us but had I known about it awhile back, I'd probably have budgeted for it cuz it's adorable!!

So with the couple of pieces made from her and the rest by me, I think it'll be fine. I also found out about this great bakery from Elle's boyfriends' birthday also on saturday and I really want something from there since I haven't decided on a cake yet. I don't know why I'm getting all these great ideas so late.

I've been kinda walking around in a daze from feeling completely overwhelmed and there's still so much more detail I have to sort out. I just hope I get it all sorted out before the party and allocate jobs to other people so I can enjoy my baby on her special day. Wish me luck. Thank goodness for the stimulus check, I think it'll just about cover the entire birthday party.

100th post

I can't believe I actually wrote 100 posts. I was so hesitant about starting a blog because after all, who the world would find anything I have to say interesting? But as most things in life, who gives a fuck? I started this as a sort of journal to keep reminder of the events in my life, memorable or not. I have a calendar for Elle where I put all the major memories on but since starting this blog, I got lazy about that cuz I know that I can always come here to check when and what happened.

I've met a bunch of people this past year because of this blog and I am so grateful that they check in with me and comment to show me that they do care about little ol' me. Or maybe they just want to look at a cute little baby and to laugh at her crazy ass mother. That's ok too.

I was going to share 100 things about myself that you may or may not know but I don't think I have 100 interesting things about myself to share. plus, I definitely dont have the time to write 100 things. I started to do this awhile back so I'm just going to copy and paste that and see if I can add to that list.

1. I was born in Korea.
2. We immigrated to the US when I was 7 years old.
3. I have lived in Chicago (and surrounding suburbs) for the last 24 years, except one year.
4. I lived in Nepal as a Peace Corps volunteer, that one year.
5. I speak English and Korean fluently and I did speak Nepali fluently but it's slowly going away.
6. I trekked to Mt. Everest Base Camp, 18,800 feet.
7. I trekked to Mt. Whitney, 14,000 feet.
8. I rode my bicycle to the border of Wisconsin from Chicago.
9. I have the largest head.
10. I gave birth naturally.
11. I am the youngest of 3 children and my parents almost aborted me.
12. My nickname while growing up was Hippo.
13. I hate this number.
14. I am obsessed with pigs and would love to own one as a pet someday.
15. My father was an alcoholic and died of liver cancer.
16. My father was an abusive asshole who once told someone he had 2 children (read #11).
17. I probably visit my father's grave sight more often than my siblings. (I have never missed a birthday, father's day, new years' day, or the anniversary of his death day)
18. I love my mom more than anything in the world but she drives me batty sometimes and we disagree the most out of my siblings.
19. I recently donated 12 inches of my hair to Locks of Love.
20. I play the lottery at least once a week.
21. I love wearing glasses and will not have lasik surgery,at least not for a decade or so.
22. I have never broken any bones in my body (knock on wood).
23. I was once rescued off a cliff of a rocky mountain after falling and landing on my head (but I didn't break anything, well at least nothing major, just a rib).
24. I met Peter Gabriel, Tori Amos, Billy Corgan, James, Larry the drummer from U2 and other "famous" people that I am sadly really proud of.
25. I interned on a movie starting John Malkovic and John Goodman but it was never made, maybe someday.
26. I do not believe in "best friends" because my BF in grade school moved away and never called me.
27. I want more children.
28. I always wanted to learn how to play the piano but when given the chance I didn't follow through, twice, once in grade school and once in high school.
29. I have one dog that lives with my stepfather's brothers house and one that lives with us now.
30. I was told that I was "obese" from a dermatologist in Korea (I'm a size 10-12).
31. The first time I swore was in third grade and I was so shameful, now I fucking swear all the fucking time.
32. I have an unnatural obsession with plucking hairs.
33. My favorite band is the Smashing Pumpkins and their song titled "33" is one of my favorites.
34. My favorite song is Mayonaisse by the Smashing Pumpkins.
35. The first cassette tape I purchased myself in grade school was Sinead O'connor's album, "I do not want, what I haven't got".
36. The first concert I went to was Tommy Page, in grade school when I didn't know any better.
37. The first real concert I went to was EMF, I still didn't know better.
38. I had to ask permission to date my now husband because my close friend really liked him and I had made out with another guy that she liked a couple of years before that and I promised her that I would never do it again without her permission.
39. Part of wanting to date my now husband was because that "friend" pissed me off (A-man hates her and we are no longer friends).
40. I was a vegetarian for 10 years. I started to eat poultry and fish because of a little malnutrition.
41. Due to my malnutrition, I had developed really poor oral health and didn't know it for a long time. When I had to have medical tests to enter the Peace Corps the dentists found that my teeth looked like that of a 40-50 year old and told me that they will fall out by the time I am 40-ish. I have perfect looking teeth but the roots are surprisingly short.
42. I learned how to sew on an industrial sewing machine when I was 11 years old.
43. I own a small business.
44. The first real memory I have of childhood is of my parents fighting.
45. I used to be friends with A-mans sister and now I hate her with a passion.
46. I get offended very easily.
47. I sadly obsessively check to see if I got replies to my posts, email, etc online.
48. I am a pathetically cheesy loser who happens to have the coolest friends but for some reason I can't be friends with their friends.
49. I am extremely shy at first and usually don't talk to anyone.
50. I have no patience for people except for baby, my baby and only my baby.
51. I don't like showering and have to make myself do it but once I start, I stay as long as possible and don't want to come out.
52. I can't swim but I want to come back as a competitive rower in my next life.
53. I am afraid of heights but love to rock climb.
54. I have major trust issues and would never stand near an edge of anything, cliff, train platforms, etc if someone is near me, even if that someone is my husband.
55. I am a workaholic but I don't want to work ever again since having a baby.
56. I love getting compliments but don't believe them to be authentic.
57. I don't shave in the winter.
58. I am an overachiever and if I can't get it right the first time, I get very frustrated.
59. I don't know how to drive a manual car and don't want to learn despite the fact that one of our cars is a manual.
60. I hold a grudge in a big way.
61. I am brutally honest and can not stand to be lied to even if it's simple as "that outfit looks great" or something simple like that.
62. My brother burned my leg when I was young with a hot cast iron thing. I still have a scar.
63. I never dated until I was 23.
64. I pray when I see dead animals on the road.
65. Just like showering, I love cleaning once I get myself to start it.
66. I am very cheap when it comes to shopping.
67. I can spend $50 a day on frivolous items like food but it is really hard for me to spend over $100 on one thing, even if it's something really necessary.
68. I get bored with things very quickly like interior design and I need to change things up every now and again to keep me sane.
69. I love to plan a vacation but as soon as I have to leave for the airport, I'm usually over it and want to be home.
70. I love being at home and just vegging out with family and friends.
71. I love spicy food.
72. I hate my calves.
73. I hate driving but usually have to drive cuz I hate other people's driving more than I hate driving.
74. I plan on visiting every continent in the world, 3 down and 4 to go.
75-100. can't think of anything right now to add to this list which I started in dec and never "published" it til now.

nekid baby

well, the past couple of nights, I have been putting elle to sleep with clothes on and a little, thin cotton blanket around her torso (cuz that's where I like my blanket to be) as I have been doing for the past 11 months. AND the past two nights, she's been waking up as usual.

so I guess the right conclusion to make is the long sleep on Sunday night was due to the fact that I let her sleep naked and not because she ate a lot before bed.

I'm repeating the naked part tonight. She did eat but not that much and it was a few hours before she actually went to sleep.

No matter how hot it is, I usually have to have something covering most of my body. Well, unless it's super hot but it's not really super hot right now, the nights get about 60-65 degrees inside the house. I just feel like she'll be cold but I guess if she's uncomfortable she'll wake up and let me know.

just tell me to stop being such a paranoid mom!!

Holding my breathe

My baby went to sleep at 10pm and woke up at 2am and then slept til 6am. Did you get that? She woke up only once. ONE time! That might not seem like much to those of you out there with babies that sleep through the night but for me it's like getting a vacation on the coast of the Galapagos islands. You see, my baby gets up about every 2 hours, sometimes every hour but on the average about every 2 hours from the moment I put her to sleep until 5-6am, when she wakes up. If you do your math correctly, that's a whole lot of times I get up from bed and nurse her back to sleep.

So that is even a bigger, happier news than walking for the first time (which she also started to do yesterday:)

There might be a couple of factors that attributed to her good sleep.
Last week, I introduced her to whole milk and last night for dinner, she had some porridge with carrots and after every bite, she took a big gulp of milk. It was the first time since I gave her milk that she drank more than an ounce of it. I think she drank about 4 ounces last night.
Plus, Elle sweats a LOT! and tries to take her clothes off so when we're at home, I just keep her in her diapers. Last night, she only had her diaper cuz she kept trying to take off her onesie herself.

So I'm not sure if she was finally full from all the food just before bed, or just really comfortable from being nekid, although she usually doesn't have much on while sleeping.

I'll try to repeat the process tonight and see.
Keep your fingers crossed for me:)

My favorite picture

This picture is one of my favorites from my child hood. We used to hang out by the ocean and the mountains a lot and I used to always get in trouble and scrape my knee and legs a lot. A Whole Lot as you can see in the picture.



The one with the short hair on the bottom, that's me, yup, the one that looks like a boy with all the iodine covered cuts and bruises.

We have a walker!!

Who? Me??







Elle has been taking one little step here and there the past couple of days so I got my camera/video out today and started recording. We were all playing around the dog crate and all of a sudden she let go of the crate and took 3 steps towards me. 3 whole steps!!! I was looking through the camera so I didn't get the full effect but as soon as she was done, I put the camera down and screamed and cried. I was so proud of her.

I ran over to the computer to upload the video to share with the world but it ran out of time before it recorded the walking! DAmn!! I was so excited that I had serendipitously captured her very first walk on video but I was sadly mistaken. I'm a little bummed out about that one but dude, my baby walked and there's no turning back!! I'll capture it someday but for now it's engraved into our memories. A-man and I both were there as well as Madison, we were all sitting on the floor, enjoying family time, and my baby walked!

There was blood

Lots of it. Baby Elle crawled and fell on a plastic container and cut open the flap of skin that connects the upper lip to the gums. At first the blood came trickling out of her mouth and I thought she bite her tongue. But when I tried to look closer, the blood looked like it was coming out of her teeth, her upper teeth and I kept trying to wipe it and wipe it but it kept coming.

I think I died for a moment there cuz my heart literally stopped. I was sure she had knocked a tooth out. Then we finally saw it, the cut on that skin flap thing which I don't know what it's called at the moment.

She stopped crying after a few minutes and played like nothing ever happened but for A-man and I, we were beyond terrified. As soon as the blood was under control and she started playing, we settled down from panic mode.

We've never had such a scare and honestly it wasn't even that big. I'm sure experienced moms will tell me of all the times they've visited the ER but for us, this was our first site of blood and it scared the crap out of us and that 5 minute or so ordeal felt like hours!!

Please God, watch after her and help me watch after her so nothing worse than this incident ever happens!!!

Just bitching

No one is going to care about this except for me but I am so fed up with people on etsy trying to steal money from people. There are more and more items for sale that are not handmade. Fine! Even though it's supposed to be a medium for selling handmade items, they also allow sales of supplies and vintage items. The supplies, totally understandable since us crafters need supplies and it's nice to have it available but the vintage shit or stuff they found in their grandma's attic/basement or the thrift store and then they try to sell if off on etsy. That bothers me!!

Anyways, that's not even why i'm pissed. I'm pissed cuz I just tried to buy some fabric, one yard of thin, THIN cotton fabric and the person wants $3.75 for shipping!! Excuse me, shipping should be shipping. It shouldn't be where you make the profit. I've made mistakes on shipping prices in my shop and I've given refunds for it. Generally, I always lose money on shipping but if people buy more than one item from my shop, I don't even charge extra for the additional items.

Plus it was supposed to be a custom order, just for me. I really needed that fabric that is out of print so I asked this seller if I could buy a yard instead of her listed, fat quarters, and I was all excited and she reamed me on the shipping fee. Her other listings for one yards is less than what she wants from me. She's just taking advantage of the fact that she has a buyer for this fabric and she can ask for whatever shipping fee she wants. Well, Hell No!! I told her sorry but no deal. I will not patronize a seller who has crappy business ethics. Plus, she didn't even make anything, she's just buying and selling, fabric!!! At least I take the time to craft something!! Assholes.

Sorry, just had to get it out there. Be a wise consumer. Etsy.com is a great place, for buyers and sellers but make sure you don't get taken on the shipping fees.

Mr. Know it all

Remember when I said that I wanted to be a stay at home mom and sell my business? Well, my husband has other plans. Instead of selling off the store and letting me have another baby before my eggs dry up, he wants to EXTEND our business. We own a dry cleaner but it's just a drop off which means that we don't do any of the cleaning on premises. There are two separate types of "dry cleaning", the actual dry cleaning items like silks and wools but there's also the cotton dress shirts which get laundered. Anyways, the store front immediately adjacent to our store is available for rent so he wants to rent that space and start our own shirt laundering plant. About half of our business is from the dress shirts but it's one of those virtually no profit things that we do for our customers since the other half of their wardrobe is for dry cleaning and that's where we make a profit from.

My husband who has never washed or pressed a shirt in his life, wants to open a shirt laundering plant where he will be responsible for washing at least a THOUSAND shirts a week and if we did want to make some profit, we'd have to pick up another wholesale account from one of two other dry cleaners.

Does that sound ridiculous of what? Plus, our life right now is pretty awesome, he gets to nap EVERYDAY and work only 4 hours a day and although we don't have a luxurious life, we're not struggling and isn't that what most people want out of life.

I kept reminding him that the reason I wanted to sell the business in the first place was so I can have another baby and stay at home. But if we do this I'll HAVE TO WORK full time cuz he can't run both things. He can barely get more than one thing (anything) done in a day. I keep telling him that he'll have to work all day, get no nap, no family time, and no vacation days!! But he's so excited about it. I'm kinda happy that he is FINALLY showing some ambition in his life but damn it, why now?

I'm usually the one with all the plans and ambition but I'm finally at a point where I'm really happy with my life and I just want to enjoy it with my baby and not have 10 things going on at once.

If we do start this, it will be good for our business in every way. It'll help us save more money and my eggs will probably be good for a couple of years at least. :)
Oh and another thing, a big major thing, we'll be doing it with my parents!!!!!!
My KOREAN parents, which if you read my post a few days back about korean moms, well, that's a whole lot of problems right there. But it costs alot for all the machinery and they are in the position to help us and they just sold their business and were thinking of doing something else anyways. So it's actually perfect for them.

I am a little, tiny bit excited myself. I've always wanted to do more and more so if if wasn't for having Elle, I'd be all over this. But my priority is Elle and spending time with her and not having more money.

We'll see how this all pans out. We should have an answer about the lease negotiation in a week or so.

Modeling

I recently made this little pouch and A-man thought it made a better hat.





I think he's right!

Back it up

After falling of our bed TWICE followed by a crazed screaming mom, I've been extra careful about Elle being on our bed. The first time she fell off, it was days after she had learned to crawl and since I wasn't used to her crawling, I put her to sleep on our bed as I have done everyday before that, which resulted on a cut on her lip. After that, I started giving her naps in her crib.

Night time is a whole different story. Since Elle gets up about every 2 hours a night and it gets exhausting going to put her back to sleep, around 3-5am, I'll bring her to our bed and play or sleep with her until I have to get up. The other morning A-man woke up before me and left the room with both of us sleeping. All I remember is being completely asleep and hearing a loud thump. Of course, I screamed louder than Elle did and she only cried for a bit but it just took my breathe away. She didn't land hard and didn't get hurt but it still scared the living daylights out of me. That's what you call a rude awakening.

The past couple of weeks, I've been teaching her how to back down off our bed and she's been doing really good with that. Occasionally she'll get to close to the edge and not have enough clearance to back down and I think that's what happened that morning.

Since that day, she's been doing a great job landing on her feet. I don't plan on putting her to sleep without BOTH of us on either side of her but in case she decides to do that again, at least she'll know what to do. I've learned my lesson the hard way and I really miss co-sleeping but Elle is so independent and always on the go and doesn't need her mommy or daddy to help her so she gets herself in trouble. My little stinker is already all grown up and I'm so proud of her for learning to back down off our bed by herself.

(note: our bed is only a bed frame and mattress thick, she can reach the floor with her foot from the bed.)

Fancy pants

So for those of you who remember when I was going nuts trying to tackle yeast from my baby's bottom, well it was misdiagnosed. I'm not sure if I ever followed up here but a week and a half after I was told that it was a yeast infection and to apply athelete's foot medicine on my baby's crotch, I found out that it wasn't yeast after all. After applying this foot cream on her bum liberally, I was told to try something else by concerned moms so I called the doctor back and she wasn't available so I had to go see another doctor. He told me that it couldn't be a yeast infection and it looked like just a regular allergic reaction to possibly her diaper. Her diaper? The diaper that I've been using part of the day since birth? YUP! Apparently they can develop an allergy at any time.

So off I went to Whole paycheck, I mean Whole Foods and bought the 365 brand chlorine free diapers which by the way is completely white so how could it be chlorine free? Anyways, it was slightly cheaper than the seventh generation brand so I just picked up 2 bags (60 pieces) and a slew of calendula based diaper creames, lotions, and soaps.

In one day the rash that was on her belly disappeared. The following couple of days, the rash on the crotch, gone! and now about 2 weeks later, the worst part, her butt area, all better! When I went back to WF the other day to pick up another pack of diapers, they didn't have any 365 brand so I had to buy the more expensive seventh generation brand and I'm glad I did. They are awesome!! The fit is great, the "velcro" closure is so elastic and wide and it's really chlorine free, i.e. it's natural color, not white. She still has a little "scaring" from the really bad rash and once that's completely healed, I'm going back to cloth diapers. That and the fact that she's been getting used to the potty will help us save money since I don't think I'll risk using Huggies ever again or any other diapers that have bleach, coloring (which came off on her onesies), fragrance, and God knows what other toxins they use that made my baby's butt look like it was attacked by a family of ring worms.

I did an extended amount of research and Diapers.com was the cheapest but at more than DOUBLE the cost of huggies, I'm so glad that we're mostly a cloth diapering family.

How you know you have really Korean parents...

1.Your mom keeps her rubber bands around the kitchen sink faucet handles.

2.Your mom uses water and an old rag to clean everything.

3.Your mom has a bag of frozen anchovies (meh-ruh-chee) in the freezer.

4.Your parents have a free calendar hung on their wall from church or the local Korean market.

5.Your mom randomly tells you what their friends' kids have done, especially if they did something good for their parents. You feel like they are comparing you to them…which they are.

6.A date night for your parents, is lying in the electronic heated blanket with thick puffy faux fur Korean blankets in the living room watching Korean videos.

7.When going to the beach with your mom, she's covered from head to toe with her 10-inch sun visor, her Robotech sunglasses, lightweight jackets and such. In fact, they will most likely drive to the beach, look at the water, say 'Choop-TAH!!!' and then drive back home after one hour.

8.If your parents call you 'Kah-She-Nah' or 'Jah-Sheek' if you haven't called them in over a week and then feel guilty about it.

9.When you were in 1st grade, your parents used rice instead of buying Elmer's glue.

10.Your mom has a collection of empty kimchi jars for future use, big rubber basins in the backyard for making kimchi, a gallon of koh-choo-jang and a 20lb bag of rice.

11. Your dad will even comment on the koh-choo-jang or gihm being really good b/c it's from Korea but you can't tell the difference.

12.Your mom washes dishes by hand (only using the dishwasher on special occasions)
Your parents rarely show teeth or have big smiles in pictures.

13.You get straight A's on your report card with one A- or B+, and they have a huge fit about it -OR-

14.Your parents are worried about the A- or B+, and say do better next time and pray about it but then tell you no TV or going outside to play until next report card time.

15.A son or daughter of someone they know gets into an Ivy League school and their parents are touted as being the greatest parents ever!

16.When your mom cooks, she never measures anything. And when you ask her how much you should put it in...she says 'ah...you know… a little bit here…a little there. Just taste.'

17.If someone walks into a room/house with shoes on, it makes you highly uncomfortable and nervous.

18.Your parents are looking for a toothpick after they've eaten at a restaurant. When they find one, they cover their mouths with one hand while picking their teeth with the other.

19.Your parents have lived in the U.S. for over 20+ years, and they still don't vote.

20.Your church parking lot has more Lexus, BMW, and Mercedes cars than the local dealership

21.Your dad or mom planted something in your front yard, backyard, wherever there's dirt - they'll plant and grow. Betchoo? Genyip? Something...

22.When you're around your parents, your tone changes and you speak like a baby or little kid 'Uhhhhh-MMMMMaaaaahhhhHHHHH! Nah beh goo pahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!'

23.If you are a girl, you spend $150-$250 getting a straight pah-mah to make your hair look 'naturally' straight.

24.When you go to the beach for a BBQ, camping or an amusement park, your parents bring the 3 golden Ks - kimchi, kalbi, kimbab

25.Your parents have embarrassed you in public before by their mannerisms (dad yelling too loud 'Eun Jung AHHHH!!! YUH-GEE-WAH!!!', parents swearing in broken English at another driver)

26.Your parents are part of some sort of social group. It usually involves secret group money collecting/exchange (pyramid or "gehh")

27.Getting toilet paper, toothpaste, or any highly practical item is an appropriate and wise prize during team games at Church Picnics or Christmas Parties.

28.When eating a grilled fish, your mom or dad eats the fishhead and eyeballs like it's filet mignon

29.Your mom always dresses up when going out of the house. At home, she dresses like a homeless woman wearing your old clothes/sweats and mismatching.

30.Your mom works more than full-time, cleans, cooks homemade meals, sews, serves, is always go, go, go and worries so much that she nags you about what you're going to do with your life.

31.Your dad has never cooked or washed dishes in the kitchen but man, when it's time to grill that kalbi....he's all over that!

32.You communicate through your mom what you need to tell your dad and vice-versa

33.Your dad is always on the couch after work, quietly reading the Korean newspaper or watching the Korean news/videos.

34.The Korean newspaper is the 2nd bible to your parents.

35.Your mom knows a friend, who had a friend, who had a friend....that something bad happened to therefore, you need to listen to your parents and do as they tell you although there is no logical connection whatsoever to the story they just told you (usually that 'friend' is just a news article they read from the Korean newspaper)

36.Your dad would explode and yell with a passion about once every few months or year. The rest of the time, he's quietly reading the newspaper.

37.Your parents never paid for napkins...they just took a whole stack from McDonald's, restaurants...etc.

38.When you were younger and at a restaurant with another Korean family, your parents would fight over the bill...usually the dads...they start grabbing it out of the hand and/or try to pay and the other one pulls him down going ...'ah yai..yai..yai"…sometimes this back and forth process will take 15 min. - everyone else waiting until the parents duke it out and pay.

39.Your parents always eat some sort of fruit for dessert...apples, Asian pear, oranges...and your mom peels the apple skin, the core and slices it into 'crescent' shape pieces.

40.You just love, love, love them Korean faux fur blankets and/or heating floor pads. (Nowadays it's Ceragem!)

41.There is some piece of Korean furniture in the house somewhere like a folding Korean table or a black ebony chest with cranes all over it.

42.Your mom has bulk packs of Korean nylon knee high stockings - and wears them with sandals

43.You've been called an 'Ee-nuhm-ja-sheek' or 'Kah-she-nah' by your parents many times in your life

44.You eat seaweed soup on your birthday prepared by your mom!

45.When you or guests are leaving your parents' house, they wait for you to get into the car and leave before they go back in the house. Won't close the door, until you're gone. Doesn't matter if it's freezing cold outside...they'll linger and wait until you're gone first before they go back in the house.

46.Your mom has short-permed her hair several times since you left the house for college, each time you come home it is a different short perm style. She probably has a short perm right now.

47.You have an aunt (emo) that always slips you a $100 bill when they see you. They try to do it discreetly too which makes it all super secretive but then your mom sees and says 'aii...uhnee' and your aunt goes 'ah..dehsuh..dehsuh..'

48.Your parents have told you that you will die in the middle of the night if you leave the fan on running....

49.Your parents ALWAYS want you to stay home and not go out - read a book instead, etc.

50.When you ask your parents if they need help, and they say no, but they really mean 'yes' so don't ask, just do it!

51.Your parents eat kimchi with their spaghetti.

Breastfeeding

I really love breastfeeding. I used to think that I'd hate it because I used to sexualize the breast and thought that I wouldn't be able to do it mentally but once Elle was born it was second nature and now it's the greatest thing.
Having said that, sometimes I want nothing to do with it because since 5 months or shall I say, since she started teething, it's been horrible at times because of the biting. But even while complaining and bitching, I never really thought about giving it up.

So here comes the dilemma, Elle will be turning one in a month. My mom and her generation (including my aunts) are adamant that I stop breastfeeding at one year. They've been telling me since 6 months that there's no nutrition in breast milk after the first 6 months. Of course I ignore them and of course I will continue to do so but it's such a PAIN IN THE ASS to have to hear her nag about breastfeeding. I don't really plan on weaning until she's at least 18 months but will do it until 2 years if she doesn't self wean before 24 months.

The real problem is that she doesn't eat solids. She'll eat a bite or two but not enough to be full and when she's tired, you can't get a spoon anywhere near her or she'll swat it full force.

I do plan on giving her whole milk after she turns one and I really hope that she likes it enough to drink it during the day with her food. Only time will tell, she's really healthy so I'm not worried but it makes me want to spend less time with my mom because of the nagging. I'd hate to do that but it's better than arguing or just listening to her bitch and nag for hours.

Not enough credit

I don't give my husband enough credit. I always focus on the negative and dwell on it and forget all the wonderful things he does for me and the family.

For example:
He can care less if the house is a sty or not.
He can work all day and if I didn't feel like making dinner and tell him he's on his
own, he's ok with that.
He will take Elle from me whenever I ask him to.
He'll give me me-time with a smile if he sees that I'm completely stressed out.
He always gives me a foot rub or a back massage every time we sit down together to the point where I just stick out my foot when he's nearby.
He's repeatedly done so much work on our house even though I complain about something or another instead of thanking him for the things he has done.

It's just easier to let things bother me and I really need to stop that. I don't want Elle to grow up seeing me be such a nag to him. I want her memories of her parents to always be of love and affection something I never got to witness with my parents.

Party planning is so much fun!-CONT

So I finally decided that Elle's party doesn't have to be as fancy as I pictured it in my head. Things have been adding up and possibly breaking the bank but more importantly, it is one less task to do before the party to NOT pick up rented dishes. So I talked myself into using paper plates and utensils.

In an attempt to make this party more fun with better food at an affordable cost, I am going against all advice and rented a party room at a park center and ordering food. The real problem is that that means that I have to do all the dirty work like decorating and bringing in EVERYTHING!! At first, I was planning to rent chafing dishes but those fuckers are expensive and since I will need 5 or more, I just decided that it wasn't worth it. Plus that saves me from having to pick them up and clean them.
Plus, if I did that and used paper plates, it would totally clash.

I'm so glad that I am deciding against it, you have no idea how better I feel now.

But leave it to me to find something else to worry about. I don't believe in disposable napkins, paper towels, plates, etc. and since I am not about to carry in 80 place settings, I decided to go the disposable route but I wanted to find biodegradable plates and utensils. I've been searching online and found two great sites:
http://www.branchhome.com
http://www.ecoproducts.com

I was all ready to order yesterday but decided to wait and I went to costco and THEY HAVE BIODEGRADABLE PLATES!!! I knew I loved costco for a reason. I never look at those things cuz I don't use them and I was so shocked and happy to see that they carried them. Now I just need to order the utensils
and I'm done. Plus I saved a ton of money buying them at Costco.
I also picked up those wire chafing dishes for pennies and I can always use them for parties. (J-you can borrow them for Cadences party:)

My next headache- decorations!

to be continued

A good day

I made baby dinner AND she ate it. Emphasis on the AND part cuz I do make her food, she just doesn't eat it. Plus my husband did the dishes afterwards while I put her to bed.

How fucking awesome is that?

I have been feeling so shitty lately cuz I never make her anything because the few times I have, she wouldn't eat it. So today, I made soup with rice, organic chicken, carrots, celery, green pepper, onions and squash with herbs and seasoning and when it was done, I pureed it. It actually tastes pretty good and I got her to eat a very good portion, more than she has ever eaten. I just hope she doesn't get sick of eating it cuz I made enough for a small army.

First night out

I went out for the first time in a year by myself, I mean without baby! My friend Robin was having a birthday party so I decided to go. I wasn't sure if I'd make it since it all depended on if I could put Elle to sleep before I snuck out. My other friend Angela met me outside of the bar to go together. Angel, Robin and I went to high school together but I haven't spoken to Robin in over 10 years but she moved to the neighborhood where my business is located and we met up about 3 years ago and kept in touch.

I was so nervous about leaving my baby for the first time and worried about her every minute. I guess I worried more about how A-man would deal if she had woken up. Just after I went into the bar and said hi to Robin, I realized I had left my phone in the car and went back to get it and noticed that I had missed a call from A-man. That immediately gave me a little panic attack but I didn't run home when he didn't answer the phone because if something was up, he would have left me a message.

When I went back in, another friend that I knew from a friend of a friend also from high school came up and said hi. I was kinda surprised to see her there because I didn't know that she was friends with Robin but it turns out that they had met about 5 months ago and are madly in love now and even exchanged rings. I'm so happy for them, I've known both of them for a long time and they are both really smart and awesome. It's really funny how small the world is and how things happen just when they are supposed to happen because I'm sure I've partied with both of the girls together at some point but I guess they never met each other officially til recently.

Anyways, I only stayed out for a short while. Had one beer and a cranberry juice to wash it down with and went back home JUST before Elle woke up. Great timing!! But I was relieved that I was there to comfort her back to sleep and A-man was more than happy to have babysat a sleeping baby.:) I guess that only means that he'd be willing to let me go out again! Yay!! :)

Happy 11 months!

I feel like the last 20 months went by in warp speed. From the first moment of finding out that I was pregnant to today, 11 months after I gave birth to the most amazing little human in the world. She has given me nothing but love and happiness.

I am so blessed to have her in my life.