Letting myself go

It's been more than three months since giving birth to Abigail and I told myself that I would get back into shape faster than I did with Eleanor. Well I guess I never really got into shape after eleanor but I did lose the pregnancy weight pretty quickly. This time it's much harder, much, much harder. Not because I don't have time to exercise but because I can't stop eating. I don't know what it is. I feel pretty content with my life minus the same shit that bothers me, my relationship with my mom and the state of my house. Those things didn't change but I suppose the dynamics did. I don't know, it all sounds like a bunch of bullshit. I just can't stop myself from eating a second helping or having sweets all throughout the day. I guess it doesn't help making bread or cake every other day but I don't want to limit my family of good food just because I can't control myself.

The most sad thing of all this is that when I was pregnant with well both of the girls and I had terrible morning sickness and lost about 30 pounds in 6 weeks or so, I looked awesome. And I want to look like that again. Obviously not by throwing up all over myself but naturally. But naturally isn't working right now.

I finally dusted off my elipitcal machine in my basement and the other night I did 10 minutes on it. yeah, I know, pathetic.. but it was the first time getting on it since almost exactly a year ago so that 10 minutes was hard plus it's in my dark and unfinished basement so there's really no motivation. Tonight, I did 20 minutes and feel ok. I'll increase the time little by little until I can get a solid hour done without feeling like I"m going to pass out.

It's hard having two babies but there are millions of mom's that do it and with more and without any help so I have nothing to bitch about.