Sprited Toddler

I am getting more and more impatient with my toddler and usually end up crying and or feeling like shit for responding poorly to her. I was a firm believer in child-led development and up until she was able to walk, I was very patient with her and let her explore her new world for herself with very few interventions. Even from the moment she was able to gesture, she has been an extremely friendly, adventurous, social, and curious little baby and she never let up.

I am so grateful to have a friendly and social baby instead of someone that clings onto me and fears new situations and/or people but I feel like she is an extreme case. She has no fear or reserve when it comes to things. She'll go up to anyone, child or adult and give them hugs and she even hugged every single mom in our gymnastics class during one game. For the most part her extreme social behavior is adorable since I'm pretty shy myself. But the problem is that she has become so defiant and aggressive when I try to stop her. Even when she's about to sleep, she will not be still for a second. She is constantly on the move and constantly into everything. She'll grab anything to examine it and when I try to get it from her she'll run with it and if I corner her in where she can't run anymore, she'll throw it. She doesn't eat much and after a bite, she'll play with her food and destroy everything on the table by mixing things up. She can open doors and climb gates, zippers, buttons, everything in order to get what she wants. She and I usually race to grab the baby because if she reaches the baby first, she grabs her and won't let go. She has shocked herself from sticking cords into the outlets. She can climb pretty much anything and get things she's not supposed to.
She's never been able to sleep through the night so she's tired and if she doesn't get a nap, she's extra defiant and mean and resorts to biting and pinching. She sweats a ton when sleeping so she'll wake up uncomfortable and lately she has nightmares and cries and screams several times a night. I feel like if she at least got a decent sleep, she'd be a touch more calm.
I've tried time outs, redirecting, calmly talking to her, shouting and spanking which I'm not proud of. She didn't even know the meaning of spanking 6 months ago and I used to be so proud when my family members threatened it to her and she didn't know what they were talking about. But one day I lost it after losing my mind when she just wouldn't listen to me. I'm not proud to say that she doesn't even respond to spanking anymore although it works the best out of all the other methods I've tried.
Being born and raised (until 7) in Korea where corporal punishment and spanking was the norm, and witnessing domestic abuse from my father everyday, I really didn't want to do that with my children but she puts herself in such danger where time outs don't work and if you ask her "do you want a time out or even a spanking" she'll reply yes and go to her corner or stick out her butt to me.
I tell her not to do something every time and she still does it.
For example, I can never do dishes with her in the room because EVERY FUCKING TIME I do it and she'll grab something out of the dishwasher and/or try to sit on the dishwasher door. She has NEVER not touched the dishwasher when I do it and so I don't let her into the kitchen when I do it and when I feel bad enough while she looks at me through the baby gate, she'll promise not to touch the dishwasher, but she does it and that's pretty much the norm for everything!! She just doesn't listen to anything I say or maybe she doesnt remember but I know she has a hell of a memory when it comes to something she wants. No matter where I hide something, even if it's just before she falls asleep at night, she'll remember and go to it, first thing in the morning.
I like the fact that she's social and curious but I need her to listen to me so she doesn't run away or break things or eat things or damage things. Even when she hugs, she'll do it so hard and hurt the other child who isn't used to big bear hugs and if the child pulls away , Eleanor will just pull in harder or bite occasionally(which seems to be fewer and far between)..

My brother beat the shit out of his children and my sister screams and threatens bloody Mary and that's all Ive experienced in my life but I don't want to go that route and I was so proud of my self for going against THAT family tradition but am slowly sinking to that bottom where I never wanted to go.